I still don't know when I am going to be able to open. It stresses me out so much every time I talk to my landlord that I am avoiding calling to ask how the ADA fix is going. I justify this in my brain by saying, "They know it has to be done, they are working on it." I know David is talking to them about it.
I was shocked the other day to bump into my landlady and see how stressed she is about the project. I got an earful about the construction workers being on the roof (they are installing the ventilation systems for the hood and bathroom), and everything else. It is a primary reason I unconsciously avoid them; it is just SO stressful to try and manage how out of control she is. I know she is old and from another country... and I really don't have a choice... we are in this together for the long haul. But deep down inside I really hate it that I feel so uncomfortable around them and the adversarial dynamic seems to be set-up now. I have never had that type of relationship with anyone that was a constant in my life and it is really messing with my brain.
What is worse, I feel like when I am nice about the craziness I am somehow encouraging it. But I can't imagine what else to do? I don't want the relationship to deteriorate further. I really would like to have a pleasant collaborative relationship. I feel like all this conflict is so necessary; we all want the same things... for the space to get built out nicely, for my place to open and be successful, for rent to get paid on time. I just don't understand why they want top nit pick everything apart... like the construction workers being on the roof... of course they are on the roof, they are doing their jobs... or the cutting of two holes in the roof, of course they have to have two ventilations sytems, one fire-proof for the hood and one not for the bathroom. Why can't we just trust them to do their jobs without harassing and micromanaging? Or accusing them of "peeing on the roof"?
So today's post is about managing stress.
How to manage stress has been an unforeseen issue that I need to deal with and soon. It isn't the random stress that crops up with the various issues and surprises... it's the relentless stress that does not abate for months and months. It is the feeling that you are juggling a million balls in the air and cannot afford to drop even one of them... and you might have to do it indefinitely. It's the stress when you realize that a core relationship that affects your business will be uncomfortably dysfunctional... probably forever.
I am trying to compartmentalize it. I need to learn that skill. My ex-husband used to be really good at leaving work at work. I feel like I've been not working for so long that I have this large gap in my skill-set that I really need. I take everything so to heart and personally! So... priority number one... thicker skin.
And I need to take a deep breath and get a little more organized. Part of my problem is I keep feeling like I should be DOING more. There was so much activity initially when I was going thru the permitting process for everything (a truly ludicrous gauntlet in California), that now I feel remiss that I am not schlepping around to every government office in Northern California on a daily basis to file and fill out paperwork.
It is time for me to be very client focused and let the contractors do their job. It's time to keep interactions with my landlords to a minimum and be strong enough to not let conversations drift into insane territory. Its time to get frosty, deal with my demons and be the bad ass I am. I am living my dream, a dream I've worked for the past five years to achieve. I knew it would be hard. I knew it wouldn't be perfect. By sheer force of will I am carving my path in this amazing world.
OH and on that note... I am getting some pretty cool buzz! I was at Smart and Final renting some equipment for Boone's wedding and the guy recognized my name and Compass Star! He said, "oh you are that lady that makes the sausage!" LOL it was awesome! I felt like a famous rock star!
And Sue had an electric
ian out working at her office who had heard of me too! I am pretty stoked about all that... bring it on, my meat rocks ;)And the funniest thing... the pot smoking hotdog truck guy... he wants me to bring him more sausages and ketchup (specially made with blackberry preserves and berber spice)... I am starting to think I am like "Gourmet Munchie Night" delivery service. Whatever, he pays in cash! Go Munchie Night! Plus he is really cute and has an adorable Irish brogue.
OH and new grill, isn't it gorgeous!!!???
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