Today the plumbers came to do some work and Stan wasn't there to let them in so they stood around for three hours (at $350.00 per hour)... Stan says he wasn't told he was supposed to be there and his Aunt had a stroke so he is trying to deal with family stuff right now. I feel really bad for his family, but I am so sick of delays. We should have had inspections last week and we are still waiting for the plumbers to finish so the inspections can happen... and it doesn't look like it's happening this week either.
I just feel SO frustrated. I know they are angry I am not paying rent, but I don't think I should have to pay rent on a space that is functionally unable to be open for business for something that they should have fixed when the space was empty (for almost a year) that they did not disclose to me in the first place. It doesn't even seem like they are working on it at all either. It's kind of like a horrible nightmare between the insanity and the language barrier.
The worst part is it is setting up this horrible antagonistic dynamic that I hate. REALLY hate. I need these people on my side. We are basically married to one another for the next 3-5 years. We can have a horrible dysfunctional marriage or things can be nurturing and helpful. I just fear if I start paying rent, they will never fix it and I will be stuck there for the next 3 years living out my lease and unable to open because they are happy they are getting their $1500 a month and don't want to spend the money to fix the problems.
It has been such a miserable experience for everyone. Even the construction workers have commented on it. They are used to working on multi million dollar projects that have less problems and less issues with the landlords.
I guess you can look at it two different ways... that the trail of it is the bad juju out of the way and all the good stuff is yet to come, but after my past few years of issues in my hobby (the SCA) with no resolution, I am having a hard time ascribing to this. And I worry it is a cultural thing, they like to grouse about everything, and if there is nothing to grouse about they make something up (last time it was that the construction workers had let "caged critters" out on the roof and now the building was rife with "critters" that were getting in to the other businesses, I shit you not... the other day the accused the roofers of "peeing on the roof" and harassing passing women). I can't work that way. I am not interested in grousing about everything. I want solutions. I want a pleasant and fun working environment. I want collaboration and team work. This antagonism is miserable for me.
In more cheerful news I got my second real restaurant order today from Creek Monkey. It was smallish, but I am so low on product that was pretty merciful. Stein and I are in the process of building up again, but we'd planned to be in our kitchen by now so we are down to almost nothing.
I need to talk to Stein about us putting in some quick fire salumi (mortadella, murguez, jagerwurst, ham) so we have something to give to people in the interim. but we need to fill the orders we have in the queue now. 25 pounds of fresh sausage tomorrow (the organic Berbere Blackberry Catsup is done) for delivery on Thursday, plus the rest of the dry cure stuff, plus we have two more heads for Testa that need to go into wet cure. I am also totally ashamed to be out of pastrami. It is in the cure now, but as one of our signature dishes... I have to have it on hand all the time.
I have three regular wholesale clients now, with the expectation that T-rex will come online any time. I suspect that will be my limit until we get the restaurant open and see what our needs are. Stein will kill me if I take on much more restaurant business (and he is right to be concerned).
So I suppose I could see this as... my time to find my bearings and get comfortable with my restaurant clients needs unencumbered by the needs of the restaurant. I also have a steady stream of catering through October. I just need to take a deep breath and try to focus on the good things. The holiday catering season will start shortly after that. If the kitchen is at least licensed, I will offer seasonal delivery dinners and New Years Eve salumi platters etc.
I think I just don't have confidence that my landlords are ever going to take care of the stuff they need to take care of. I don't think it is malicious... it is just a really complicated process that takes focus and determination and not everyone has the ability to manage that type of process. If it were me, I would be ALL over it... like I am with most things... to just see this sort of... lackadaisical attitude like the stuff is going to fix itself is just killing me. I guess I can't expect everyone to be as excited about realizing my dream as I am...
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
ARGH! My kindgom for a shank of middles!
We were stymied today in sausage production by not having enough casings on hand. I am out of Beef Middles and we need a (no pun intended) crap ton of them to fill with Tuscan and Finocciona, which are both ground spiced and ready to go in giant lexans. We cased the finocciona and then ran out. I added about 4 more grams of fennel pollen, plus 170 g of moscato to the recipe and it is indeed the most delicious finocciona I've ever made. 6 weeks in a cure and I will be flouncing all about town trying to get people to put my meat in their mouths (again).
The last batch of Tuscan is nothing like what I wanted. I used a really fast acting lactobacillus and the spices were overpowered by the acidity. It is such a unique and wonderful salumi that this was a big dissapointment. The recipe is from a manifesto written by Bartolemeo Scappi and published in 1570/ Scappi was the master chef for pope Pius the V (and others). It was one of the first medieval salumi recipes I found with weights and measures included in the recipe and it is still to this day one of my favorites. I don't think I will buy the fast acting lactobacillus again. I want to taste the pig and the spices in my salumi. So I am pretty excited to be putting in another batch to cure that I think will be much better.
Tomorrow Stein and I will rest while he helps his best friend find housing up in this area. I need to do some paperwork, and to put the recipe changes into my database. I will also get out and get some more pork. I think I am roughly 30# shy of what I need. I also got my new sous vide immersion circulator and it looks great! I can't wait to try it out on the Testa next week! We will also be using it to poach off the fresh sausages for my SF Client.
Wed the fresh sausages will be the priority. Get them ground and cased and poached for delivery. I need to make another gallon of the Berber blackberry organic katsup as well, which I can do while Stein is busy tomorrow.
I am SO excited about this new Finocciona... I used the very minimum of nitrites and lactobacillus. I love the flavor of fennel pollen and I really want it shine thru.
So this week
I feel like a kid the week before Christmas... euphorically excited about unwrapping my treasures in the not so distant future!
The last batch of Tuscan is nothing like what I wanted. I used a really fast acting lactobacillus and the spices were overpowered by the acidity. It is such a unique and wonderful salumi that this was a big dissapointment. The recipe is from a manifesto written by Bartolemeo Scappi and published in 1570/ Scappi was the master chef for pope Pius the V (and others). It was one of the first medieval salumi recipes I found with weights and measures included in the recipe and it is still to this day one of my favorites. I don't think I will buy the fast acting lactobacillus again. I want to taste the pig and the spices in my salumi. So I am pretty excited to be putting in another batch to cure that I think will be much better.
Tomorrow Stein and I will rest while he helps his best friend find housing up in this area. I need to do some paperwork, and to put the recipe changes into my database. I will also get out and get some more pork. I think I am roughly 30# shy of what I need. I also got my new sous vide immersion circulator and it looks great! I can't wait to try it out on the Testa next week! We will also be using it to poach off the fresh sausages for my SF Client.
Wed the fresh sausages will be the priority. Get them ground and cased and poached for delivery. I need to make another gallon of the Berber blackberry organic katsup as well, which I can do while Stein is busy tomorrow.
I am SO excited about this new Finocciona... I used the very minimum of nitrites and lactobacillus. I love the flavor of fennel pollen and I really want it shine thru.
So this week
- 2 pig heads flayed
- 2 pig heads into wet cure
- 1 Brisket trimmed out and in cure for Pastrami
- 10 pounds of shoulder in my new special cure mix for capicolla
- Finocciona ground and cased
- Tuscan Salumi ground and ready for casing
- 2 pig heads boiled off for traditional head cheese
- Fat cut and frozen
- Ordered a butt (no pun intended) ton of casings
- got my immersion circulator
- ordered my cold smoking gun
I feel like a kid the week before Christmas... euphorically excited about unwrapping my treasures in the not so distant future!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
How do you spell busy? S_A_U_S_A_G_E
So my cute stoner client asked me for more the katsup (berber and blackberry added), plus he wanted to try my bratwurst and needed 5# of andouille. We said we thought we could do a 3 ounce dog, so he asked for a 3 ounce, 7 inch dog. We made them, they looked really sad. I almost didn't want to give them to him, but they were what he asked for so we did.
Yesterday he said they were great and he wants more, only bigger (thank god), plus more katsup. I think he will be selling them next weekend on his sausage truck?
Stein and I also got started on the charc for Montrio. We already have Nduja and Finocciona in the queue but we needed to make Testa*, hot coppa, capicolla, hot smoked Andouille in the beef middles (vs the one for the sausage truck which are in sheep casings). We got some killer Neiman Ranch back fat and started more lardo as well.
The trick right now is to supply our clients, plus have a good stock of items on hand for our opening, whenever that happens. I know we will have a Bresaola on our first specials menu (in a salad), and we will always have Finocciona on the menu... we are making more the Tuscan salami as well. I think we can serve 3-4 restaurants with a Charc platter, in addition to the fresh sausages for our friend in the city, plus T-Rex.
Stein is trying to temper my tendency to over extend myself... but I am so proud of my product that it is hard not to want to show it off. He is completely right, of course. We are very limited on storage and while fresh sausages are pretty easy for us to do, all of the dry cured stuff will need to be judiciously managed.
I was talking to my friends Stacey and Anthony the other day (they are looking to start some product in the Sacramento area) and commenting that I am surprised at how much demand there is for artisan-locally made meats! It is highly unusual to be getting as much business as I am via word of mouth, with almost no formal marketing. I could probably have a thriving business of just supplying restaurants with hand made Salumi.
I am so grateful for the work, and I am hoping it will help to tide me over until the restaurant is open, but I cannot wait to get back in a kitchen. Between the restaurant business and my catering I think I will be ok through September. God, I hope my landlord figures out how to fix all of the problems before then.
I just put in a bunch of capicolla that I am really excited about. I used the smoked sea salt that my friend Gislane gave me, plus just a tiny bit of Juniper. I am going for a very earthy subtle flavor like a speck I tried recently. We have about 100 pounds of sausage we need to make, and soon. We cut and froze the fat on Wed, today we cut the flesh from the pigs heads and put them in brine, plus started some pastrami, a pig head stock, ground 31 pounds of lean, put the capicolla into cure... and... and... cleaned up the stuff from Stephan's party. Tomorrow we need to kit out our spices and grind the fat in the buffalo chopper.
I think we should get our casings so we can case all the small stuff by Thursday. I ordered a new Sous Vide circulator and I hope it comes in the next week so I can finish up the testa. I saw an inexpensive cold smoke gun that I need to remember to pick up. I could really use it for the Nduja and some of the other cold smoked items (bacon).
Anyway, we are very busy and I think we will need to start planning our pacing a little better. Thank goodness Stein and I get along very well!
*Testa is head cheese. We take a whole pigs head and remove the skin and meat in one piece, then put it in the wet brine for 5-6 days. Then it get sous vide cooked for 36 hours at 160 degrees. Then it get hung until it is nice a solid. We also took the skeletons and I am boiling them down fora more traditional head cheese as well.
Yesterday he said they were great and he wants more, only bigger (thank god), plus more katsup. I think he will be selling them next weekend on his sausage truck?
Stein and I also got started on the charc for Montrio. We already have Nduja and Finocciona in the queue but we needed to make Testa*, hot coppa, capicolla, hot smoked Andouille in the beef middles (vs the one for the sausage truck which are in sheep casings). We got some killer Neiman Ranch back fat and started more lardo as well.
The trick right now is to supply our clients, plus have a good stock of items on hand for our opening, whenever that happens. I know we will have a Bresaola on our first specials menu (in a salad), and we will always have Finocciona on the menu... we are making more the Tuscan salami as well. I think we can serve 3-4 restaurants with a Charc platter, in addition to the fresh sausages for our friend in the city, plus T-Rex.
Stein is trying to temper my tendency to over extend myself... but I am so proud of my product that it is hard not to want to show it off. He is completely right, of course. We are very limited on storage and while fresh sausages are pretty easy for us to do, all of the dry cured stuff will need to be judiciously managed.
I was talking to my friends Stacey and Anthony the other day (they are looking to start some product in the Sacramento area) and commenting that I am surprised at how much demand there is for artisan-locally made meats! It is highly unusual to be getting as much business as I am via word of mouth, with almost no formal marketing. I could probably have a thriving business of just supplying restaurants with hand made Salumi.
I am so grateful for the work, and I am hoping it will help to tide me over until the restaurant is open, but I cannot wait to get back in a kitchen. Between the restaurant business and my catering I think I will be ok through September. God, I hope my landlord figures out how to fix all of the problems before then.
I just put in a bunch of capicolla that I am really excited about. I used the smoked sea salt that my friend Gislane gave me, plus just a tiny bit of Juniper. I am going for a very earthy subtle flavor like a speck I tried recently. We have about 100 pounds of sausage we need to make, and soon. We cut and froze the fat on Wed, today we cut the flesh from the pigs heads and put them in brine, plus started some pastrami, a pig head stock, ground 31 pounds of lean, put the capicolla into cure... and... and... cleaned up the stuff from Stephan's party. Tomorrow we need to kit out our spices and grind the fat in the buffalo chopper.
I think we should get our casings so we can case all the small stuff by Thursday. I ordered a new Sous Vide circulator and I hope it comes in the next week so I can finish up the testa. I saw an inexpensive cold smoke gun that I need to remember to pick up. I could really use it for the Nduja and some of the other cold smoked items (bacon).
Anyway, we are very busy and I think we will need to start planning our pacing a little better. Thank goodness Stein and I get along very well!
*Testa is head cheese. We take a whole pigs head and remove the skin and meat in one piece, then put it in the wet brine for 5-6 days. Then it get sous vide cooked for 36 hours at 160 degrees. Then it get hung until it is nice a solid. We also took the skeletons and I am boiling them down fora more traditional head cheese as well.
Really Fun Private Dinner Party yesterday!
I love my clients!
Stephan is gluten and pork free so we got to really play with our food this time!
These are Beet chips with house cured salmon, lemon aioli and capers.
Below are tomato gelees with pickled crayfish and tarragon cream
I used Parmesan crisps, fingerling potatoes and beets as the starch delivery systems, and it just felt and tasted more delicious and creative. I might stop being lazy and serving crostini and incorporate more of these types of items on my party menus
Friday, June 24, 2011
The state of Being...
Things have been crazy hectic here, almost too much so to be able to write much (which kind of sucks for me because it helps me to get focused).
I have not been down to the shop recently because 1. I've been really busy and 2. After my landlady's last melt down I am kind of avoiding them in general.
For the busy... my newest restaurant client needs a bunch of Charcuterie and soon, so today Stein and I are breaking down two pig heads (for Testa) and 60 # (this is pounds in restaurant-speak) for pork and fat for Cappicolla, Finocciona and some other stuff. This is in addition to the much anticipated dinner party for Stephan this weekend. We will likely focus on Stephan's stuff today and hopefully get to the pig fat (so it can get frozen by Sunday)... and then work on the rest of the stuff on Sunday/Monday.
This means I will need to make arrangements for Stein and I to smoke the meats at school (the rental kitchen does not have a smoker) in a couple of weeks. We still have not cold smoked the Nduja we cased last week, plus we have a brisket for pastrami that will need to be hot smoked.
I talked to Stan finally yesterday (the landlady's son, and the property manager for the facility) and I hope that I calmed them down a bit. I had no idea they were so worked up about the build out until I talked to Kevi last week. I know it is really stressful, but Richlen is an excellent construction company and I wish they would give them the benefit of the doubt. OF course it looks chaotic when the walls are all open and the there are holes in the floors. But it will come together in the end.
I am more worried about their ability to get the ADA and earthquake retrofit done. The engineer they hired is a flake. I suspect he might be a scam artist. I feel really bad for Stan and Kevi that they gave this guy money and now he has point blank refused to give them the engineered drawings for the fixes. He's already stalled the project a month by flaking out on the drawings for the side wall... which when we finally got them they were like... hand drawn on a napkin and not even real structural drawings. And now... I suspect once they get the drawings they have at least 6 weeks of work to do, maybe more.
It is frustrating to not be in control of how quickly this stuff gets done. I am getting side business from restaurants and catering, and I think I will be ok through September... but after that I just don't know what I am going to do?
I have not been down to the shop recently because 1. I've been really busy and 2. After my landlady's last melt down I am kind of avoiding them in general.
For the busy... my newest restaurant client needs a bunch of Charcuterie and soon, so today Stein and I are breaking down two pig heads (for Testa) and 60 # (this is pounds in restaurant-speak) for pork and fat for Cappicolla, Finocciona and some other stuff. This is in addition to the much anticipated dinner party for Stephan this weekend. We will likely focus on Stephan's stuff today and hopefully get to the pig fat (so it can get frozen by Sunday)... and then work on the rest of the stuff on Sunday/Monday.
This means I will need to make arrangements for Stein and I to smoke the meats at school (the rental kitchen does not have a smoker) in a couple of weeks. We still have not cold smoked the Nduja we cased last week, plus we have a brisket for pastrami that will need to be hot smoked.
I talked to Stan finally yesterday (the landlady's son, and the property manager for the facility) and I hope that I calmed them down a bit. I had no idea they were so worked up about the build out until I talked to Kevi last week. I know it is really stressful, but Richlen is an excellent construction company and I wish they would give them the benefit of the doubt. OF course it looks chaotic when the walls are all open and the there are holes in the floors. But it will come together in the end.
I am more worried about their ability to get the ADA and earthquake retrofit done. The engineer they hired is a flake. I suspect he might be a scam artist. I feel really bad for Stan and Kevi that they gave this guy money and now he has point blank refused to give them the engineered drawings for the fixes. He's already stalled the project a month by flaking out on the drawings for the side wall... which when we finally got them they were like... hand drawn on a napkin and not even real structural drawings. And now... I suspect once they get the drawings they have at least 6 weeks of work to do, maybe more.
It is frustrating to not be in control of how quickly this stuff gets done. I am getting side business from restaurants and catering, and I think I will be ok through September... but after that I just don't know what I am going to do?
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Yay! New Restaurant Client!
Had a fantastic time in Monterey with my good friend Carol Brink. She hoooked me up with Chef Tony Baker from Montrio Bistro and he LOVED out Charcuterie. He's placed our largest Restaurant Charcuterie order to date today and I am so excited to have my Salumi in fantastic restaurant like Montrio! Plus he is even going to give The Compass Star billing on the Charcuterie! I am so SO excited!
We can realistically only service 3-4 restaurants with Charcuterie in our current kitchen and storage space, and we have already cultivated a relationship with Creek Monkey (due to open soon) so this is restaurant #2 and I could not be more thrilled!
Plus building up the supply will be keep me happily busy making salumi for the next few weeks!
I came in around 4:00 and we chatted about who I am and what I do and who is and what he does. He is British by birth (and SUPER cute, in a very safe-married way) and has been involved with Montrio for the past 15 years. He tried the stuff I brought and then the staff tried it as well, which was a hoot! They were so excited about it and liked it so much! You guys have no idea how validating that is after spending the last six months so focused on opening the restaurant, and paperwork and governmental agencies etc. I miss those interactions so much!
Anyway this morning he placed a large order and we discussed viable delivery times and now... I just get to work to pull it all together doing one of my favorite things in the world... making salumi!!!!
We can realistically only service 3-4 restaurants with Charcuterie in our current kitchen and storage space, and we have already cultivated a relationship with Creek Monkey (due to open soon) so this is restaurant #2 and I could not be more thrilled!
Plus building up the supply will be keep me happily busy making salumi for the next few weeks!
I came in around 4:00 and we chatted about who I am and what I do and who is and what he does. He is British by birth (and SUPER cute, in a very safe-married way) and has been involved with Montrio for the past 15 years. He tried the stuff I brought and then the staff tried it as well, which was a hoot! They were so excited about it and liked it so much! You guys have no idea how validating that is after spending the last six months so focused on opening the restaurant, and paperwork and governmental agencies etc. I miss those interactions so much!
Anyway this morning he placed a large order and we discussed viable delivery times and now... I just get to work to pull it all together doing one of my favorite things in the world... making salumi!!!!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Motoring right along...
A few odds and ends...
I still don't know when I am going to be able to open. It stresses me out so much every time I talk to my landlord that I am avoiding calling to ask how the ADA fix is going. I justify this in my brain by saying, "They know it has to be done, they are working on it." I know David is talking to them about it.
I was shocked the other day to bump into my landlady and see how stressed she is about the project. I got an earful about the construction workers being on the roof (they are installing the ventilation systems for the hood and bathroom), and everything else. It is a primary reason I unconsciously avoid them; it is just SO stressful to try and manage how out of control she is. I know she is old and from another country... and I really don't have a choice... we are in this together for the long haul. But deep down inside I really hate it that I feel so uncomfortable around them and the adversarial dynamic seems to be set-up now. I have never had that type of relationship with anyone that was a constant in my life and it is really messing with my brain.
What is worse, I feel like when I am nice about the craziness I am somehow encouraging it. But I can't imagine what else to do? I don't want the relationship to deteriorate further. I really would like to have a pleasant collaborative relationship. I feel like all this conflict is so necessary; we all want the same things... for the space to get built out nicely, for my place to open and be successful, for rent to get paid on time. I just don't understand why they want top nit pick everything apart... like the construction workers being on the roof... of course they are on the roof, they are doing their jobs... or the cutting of two holes in the roof, of course they have to have two ventilations sytems, one fire-proof for the hood and one not for the bathroom. Why can't we just trust them to do their jobs without harassing and micromanaging? Or accusing them of "peeing on the roof"?
So today's post is about managing stress.
How to manage stress has been an unforeseen issue that I need to deal with and soon. It isn't the random stress that crops up with the various issues and surprises... it's the relentless stress that does not abate for months and months. It is the feeling that you are juggling a million balls in the air and cannot afford to drop even one of them... and you might have to do it indefinitely. It's the stress when you realize that a core relationship that affects your business will be uncomfortably dysfunctional... probably forever.
I am trying to compartmentalize it. I need to learn that skill. My ex-husband used to be really good at leaving work at work. I feel like I've been not working for so long that I have this large gap in my skill-set that I really need. I take everything so to heart and personally! So... priority number one... thicker skin.
And I need to take a deep breath and get a little more organized. Part of my problem is I keep feeling like I should be DOING more. There was so much activity initially when I was going thru the permitting process for everything (a truly ludicrous gauntlet in California), that now I feel remiss that I am not schlepping around to every government office in Northern California on a daily basis to file and fill out paperwork.
It is time for me to be very client focused and let the contractors do their job. It's time to keep interactions with my landlords to a minimum and be strong enough to not let conversations drift into insane territory. Its time to get frosty, deal with my demons and be the bad ass I am. I am living my dream, a dream I've worked for the past five years to achieve. I knew it would be hard. I knew it wouldn't be perfect. By sheer force of will I am carving my path in this amazing world.
OH and on that note... I am getting some pretty cool buzz! I was at Smart and Final renting some equipment for Boone's wedding and the guy recognized my name and Compass Star! He said, "oh you are that lady that makes the sausage!" LOL it was awesome! I felt like a famous rock star!
And Sue had an electric
ian out working at her office who had heard of me too! I am pretty stoked about all that... bring it on, my meat rocks ;)
And the funniest thing... the pot smoking hotdog truck guy... he wants me to bring him more sausages and ketchup (specially made with blackberry preserves and berber spice)... I am starting to think I am like "Gourmet Munchie Night" delivery service. Whatever, he pays in cash! Go Munchie Night! Plus he is really cute and has an adorable Irish brogue.
OH and new grill, isn't it gorgeous!!!???
I still don't know when I am going to be able to open. It stresses me out so much every time I talk to my landlord that I am avoiding calling to ask how the ADA fix is going. I justify this in my brain by saying, "They know it has to be done, they are working on it." I know David is talking to them about it.
I was shocked the other day to bump into my landlady and see how stressed she is about the project. I got an earful about the construction workers being on the roof (they are installing the ventilation systems for the hood and bathroom), and everything else. It is a primary reason I unconsciously avoid them; it is just SO stressful to try and manage how out of control she is. I know she is old and from another country... and I really don't have a choice... we are in this together for the long haul. But deep down inside I really hate it that I feel so uncomfortable around them and the adversarial dynamic seems to be set-up now. I have never had that type of relationship with anyone that was a constant in my life and it is really messing with my brain.
What is worse, I feel like when I am nice about the craziness I am somehow encouraging it. But I can't imagine what else to do? I don't want the relationship to deteriorate further. I really would like to have a pleasant collaborative relationship. I feel like all this conflict is so necessary; we all want the same things... for the space to get built out nicely, for my place to open and be successful, for rent to get paid on time. I just don't understand why they want top nit pick everything apart... like the construction workers being on the roof... of course they are on the roof, they are doing their jobs... or the cutting of two holes in the roof, of course they have to have two ventilations sytems, one fire-proof for the hood and one not for the bathroom. Why can't we just trust them to do their jobs without harassing and micromanaging? Or accusing them of "peeing on the roof"?
So today's post is about managing stress.
How to manage stress has been an unforeseen issue that I need to deal with and soon. It isn't the random stress that crops up with the various issues and surprises... it's the relentless stress that does not abate for months and months. It is the feeling that you are juggling a million balls in the air and cannot afford to drop even one of them... and you might have to do it indefinitely. It's the stress when you realize that a core relationship that affects your business will be uncomfortably dysfunctional... probably forever.
I am trying to compartmentalize it. I need to learn that skill. My ex-husband used to be really good at leaving work at work. I feel like I've been not working for so long that I have this large gap in my skill-set that I really need. I take everything so to heart and personally! So... priority number one... thicker skin.
And I need to take a deep breath and get a little more organized. Part of my problem is I keep feeling like I should be DOING more. There was so much activity initially when I was going thru the permitting process for everything (a truly ludicrous gauntlet in California), that now I feel remiss that I am not schlepping around to every government office in Northern California on a daily basis to file and fill out paperwork.
It is time for me to be very client focused and let the contractors do their job. It's time to keep interactions with my landlords to a minimum and be strong enough to not let conversations drift into insane territory. Its time to get frosty, deal with my demons and be the bad ass I am. I am living my dream, a dream I've worked for the past five years to achieve. I knew it would be hard. I knew it wouldn't be perfect. By sheer force of will I am carving my path in this amazing world.
OH and on that note... I am getting some pretty cool buzz! I was at Smart and Final renting some equipment for Boone's wedding and the guy recognized my name and Compass Star! He said, "oh you are that lady that makes the sausage!" LOL it was awesome! I felt like a famous rock star!
And Sue had an electric
ian out working at her office who had heard of me too! I am pretty stoked about all that... bring it on, my meat rocks ;)And the funniest thing... the pot smoking hotdog truck guy... he wants me to bring him more sausages and ketchup (specially made with blackberry preserves and berber spice)... I am starting to think I am like "Gourmet Munchie Night" delivery service. Whatever, he pays in cash! Go Munchie Night! Plus he is really cute and has an adorable Irish brogue.
OH and new grill, isn't it gorgeous!!!???
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